The happiest person on earth
An old friend, a psychologist, told me once about a study referring to happiness. He asked me if I knew who is the happiest person on earth. I was eager to hear the answer so he continued. “The happiest person on earth is a child playing”.
As simple as that is happiness. Why is it so difficult for adults to be happy? I was determined to find out what was the difference between me now and myself then, as a kid. What do I miss to enjoy the work as much as I enjoyed a play at this time? I ordered my mind to bring me back to the past, to my childhood. I lived again the games I played with the other kids in the neighborhood, only this time with a critical, analyzing mind.

Freedom to choose
First of all, I was not obliged to play. I was playing because I wanted to. I’ve chosen different kinds of games, depending on the situation and the mood I was in. I played individualistic board games, team games, cooperative games, imaginary games. Each one of them had its contribution to me.
I’ve excited my mind with the board games, trying to foresee the movements of the other players and make a strategy for mines.
While playing team games outside I used mostly my reflexes, running and fast thinking. I felt the power of adrenaline boost in my body and the joy of belonging in a group.
During the cooperative games*, I liked the support we gave to each other. No matter how I performed I had always a chance to retry and win and this chance was made by my playmates.
In my imaginary games, I made me and the world the way I wanted them to be. My fantasy was in a fire.
I’ve enjoyed all the games I’ve played in different ways.

Self-destruction
However, enjoying a game and being really happy are two different things. I was not always happy while playing. Two certain feelings have put a dark cloud over my happiness, low self-esteem and being evaluated. One has enhanced the other.
In our team games, if a player “was a good one” the chances for the team to win were higher. Thus the captains of the teams have chosen firstly the strong players. I was the last one chosen. This made me feel I had to prove I deserve my place in the team. I had to perform better. When I’ve lost I had to confront my own criticizing mind. I felt I let down the whole team, even if no kid had said anything, never. My opponent was not the other team, it was the devaluator in me.

Happiness
My devaluator didn’t find a place to act in all games. The cooperative games were different, no one could win alone, no matter how well they played. I felt free of having to perform, I felt free of evaluation. I played for myself, I supported and got support. I belonged to the group because it happened to be there at the time the game started. No shame, no fear, no anxiety, no worries. Having my mind free of those negative feelings, I could fully concentrate on the game. I was living at this moment, I was disconnected from the rest of the world and its problems. My world was only my playmates and the playing field. Being disconnected from the world, those were moments of happiness.

Happiness disturbances
There was one person though, who could connect me suddenly back to the “real world”. Can you imagine who? Yes, this was my mum. “Come to eat”, “Come to help me”, “Go to the bakery”, “It’s too late”, “It’s too hot”… There is no worst thing than to get interrupted in the middle of the game, but this didn’t seem to have bothered my mum.
Mums were not the only disturbance factor for the game. We had also internal affairs. It happened one kid to disagree with another, “you are touched”, “no I am not” and nobody backed off. Or a kid has cheated repeatedly. In both cases, there was no fun anymore and the game was broken.

Happiness contributors and pitfalls
I think everybody has experienced the frustration of a broken game. And I hope everybody had also moments of complete happiness while playing. Happiness and dissatisfaction were for me like two ends of a seesaw. Some things push happiness upwards some other dissatisfaction. I’ll put them together.

Happiness contributors:
    Freedom to choose: I played because I wanted to do so.
    Safety: I was in the well-known environment of the neighborhood.
   Playmates: All the kids wanted to play together.
   Rules: Clear, understood and followed by everybody.
   Competence: I had the capabilities needed for the game.
   No fixed starting time, no deadline: The game started when we were in     a mood and ended when we got bored or tired.
   Concentration: I didn’t play in two games in parallel. I put all my effort       into this one game at this one moment.
   Belonging in the group: I was in the group because it happened to be     there.
   No evaluation: I played as I wanted to play and that’s fine.
   Support: There was no wrong action because everybody could give the     game a new twist.
   Living at the moment: Nothing else matters, no negative thoughts, no     worries.
   Succeed a challenge: I liked to explore my potential and took the     confirmation I can.
   Laughing: Because of all of the above.
Happiness pitfalls:
   Low Self-esteem / Self-devaluation: Having the feeling of not being good enough to belong to the group.
   Persons with authority: Interrupting the game
   Playmates: Arguing non-stop or being unfair.

Is work a free choice?
My trip to the past has given me enough food for thought. I let my mind come back to the present and to my question ” What do I miss to enjoy the work as I enjoyed a play?”. I looked through the list and I got caught by one point. Freedom to choose.
Have I chosen to work? When I’ve got my first job I wanted to exert my mind and get challenged. I wanted to play. On the way, I backed off because I couldn’t cope with the complex human interactions and the floating rules of the game. Now. 25 years later, I say, I work because I want to. It’s the same inner impulse calling me to work, as it had called me to play as a kid. And this hasn’t to do either with playmates or rules, the wish is in me.

Work as a game
I’ve been in several companies. I’ve played/worked in individualistic games where the rules were closed doors and hero-players. I’ve been playing a game I didn’t want. I had playmates/colleagues arguing steadily with each other, not allowing the game/project to roll. I had conflicts with the colleagues because everybody interprets differently the rules of the game. I had authority-persons interrupting our game. Sometimes my knowledge fell short of what the project needed. I had deadlines I haven’t chosen. All uncomfortable situations for me.
Can those factors tilt the seesaw towards dissatisfaction and escaping? Yes, they can. BUT I’ve learned what is the main weight to keep the seesaw with the happiness side up. My self-esteem. I work according to my values: support, inclusion, quality, challenge and I stand for those values in the game, I shape the rules. If I still feel I’m in the wrong game, I own the freedom to choose.

You belong to yourself or not?
Whatever your happiness factors are, the freedom of making a choice is critical for our well-being. Keep this freedom alive in you and shape the game the way you want it to be. Your own values are equally important as the values of your playmates. Nevertheless, you could come to a disconnect with your colleagues. Do you want to disconnect from yourself or from the group?

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* Farmers and hunters: a cooperative win-win game

This game was my favorite one when I was a kid and I think it is worth explaining its rules. It is kind of a tag game. The farmers were chasing the hunters. The game starts with only one farmer. They take their power from the “bottle of life”, standing in a circle. (We used an empty tin can). As far as it stands the farmers could chase the hunters, but when it falls over life is poured out and the farmers become impotent. They have to put the bottle back in the circle in order to continue chasing. If a hunter is tagged, they also become farmers.
On the other side, the hunters live in their safe camp, 4 meters away from the bottle. They try to shoot the bottle down so that the farmers will lose their power. (We used to shoot with flat pebbles, but it’s much safer with balloons filled with rice).  In their try to shoot down the bottle of life, a hunter leaves their camp and undertakes the risk to get tagged by the farmers. The closer the hunters come to the bottle the higher the chances to bring it down with their shot but also higher the risk to get tagged.
If several hunters attack the bottle at the same time the farmer would run to one of them and the others could bring down the bottle. When the farmer was powerless, they stop chasing and the hunters could go back safe in their camp. This was the fun of the game for me. Supporting each other and making strategy. Even if I missed my shot somebody else could bring down the bottle and then I had another chance to get back my pebble and shoot again. Even when I was tagged and became a farmer, I was still in the game. Finally, I could win either as a farmer or as a hunter :-).