Have you read the novel of Jules Verne ‘The mysterious island‘?

Five castaways make their isolated island a civilized area. The engineer Cyrus Smith helps them with his knowledges not only to survive but to live with comfort. The other persons in the group trust him. He gains the role of their physical leader. Do you think that the people accepted him as leader because of his experience? If Cyrus Smith was ignoring their opinion, if he was shouting to them and humiliating them would they accept him as leader?

I have another example from my childhood. My parents grown up in difficult circumstances where the surving was not guaranteed. By the time I was born though they had managed to settle a good life. Nevertheless they paid attention mostly on having enough food, clothes, a nice home and the money that my brother and me needed to study. I’m grateful about that. On the other hand my mom never came to a school feast, my father laughed on me when I said I wanted to learn piano, I didn’t dare to show them my paintings, I had to follow their plans and their decisions. Even if they did take care about me, on their way,  I hardly accepted them as leaders in my life. A stronger role in my life played the authors of several novels and philosophical books.

For us, human beings, surviving is not enough. According to Maslow’s pyramide of needs  we have a set of needs essential for surviving and coping with life. If those needs are fulfilled we can go on and try to excite our mind, to make dreams and make them true, to help other people. That makes us happy.

In the example the ‘Mysterious island’ Cyrus Smith not only knew how to make things important for surviving, like fire, but he discussed with the other persons, they took decisions together, their contribution to everydays life was appreciated and no one was less important than the others. Cyrus Smith cultivated higher values in the team. That’s why he gained the respect of the others and the role of the natural leader in their minds.

Taking care about the people, about their basic needs, is an essential thing. Taking care about autonomy, respect, beauty, thinking together, recognition gives us a leading position in other people’s eyes.